Letting Go

I wish time would slow down. I wish Luke was still my little guy and I could carry him in my arms for longer than two minutes. I remember carrying him around the house, his eyes would dart from thing to thing––the microwave, ceiling fan, mirror, light switch––I would say the name of the object as his eyes asked what it was. He always loved knowing what things were and how they worked. As soon as he learned the word “why” it stuck with him. He still has not and probably will never grow out of the why phase. I love that about him and I was always very careful not to say the famous “because I told you so” response. I don’t think there is anything wrong with those words, but I just knew from the first time he asked “why” that his curiosity was a big part of him. The way he would study things, even as an infant, showed me that.

Luke had his first day in kindergarten yesterday and I am still trying to catch up to how I feel…

“I am going to set my alarm an hour earlier than yours so I can help you get ready for your first day,” I said to Luke as I tucked him in bed.

“No. I want my alarm set before yours,” Luke said.

“How about if we wake up at the same time?” I asked.

“Ok, Mommy,” Luke said.

After I tucked him in and gave him a kiss goodnight I went in my own bed. I chuckled as I set my alarm an hour earlier although I told Luke we were going to wake up at the same time. I knew I would be calmer and more collected if I had time to wake up before the rest of the house did––especially on a big day.

I cannot say I slept much. I popped out of bed as soon as my alarm went off. I made my coffee and settled in the couch to prepare myself for the day. I reminisced of Luke’s younger days as I finished my coffee and waited for his alarm to sound. I heard the beeping and by the third beep the alarm was shut off and I heard Luke open his door. I rushed down the hall to meet him. His smile was huge and at that moment I knew his first day was going to be great. Everyone got ready and we headed out to wait for the bus.

Our neighborhood is not on flat land so it was neat to watch the yellow slowly appear as it drove into the sub and up the street. Luke’s eyes got big and he looked a little nervous but when the bus stopped and the doors opened his nervousness turned into determination and he walked up the steps and didn’t look back. It was harder for me than it was for him. I got on my tip toes and tried to see him. I could only see the top of his head and then the doors shut and we watched as the bus drove off. Just like that my Luke was off to his new adventures in school.
I was glad my husband took the day off. We actually had a great day and Oliver soaked up all the attention. He was happy and giggly the entire day.

We went outside a little early to let Oliver play while we waited for Luke’s bus at the end of the day. We were sitting in chairs watching Oliver play on his firetruck. We heard a sound that sounded like the bus. Matt and I both jumped up to realize it was not the bus…it was a truck. We laughed at ourselves but we never sat back down. We paced around our yard until it was time to go to the corner and wait for the arrival.

The bus finally arrived and Luke got off with a smile on his face. His first day was great! Here are a few things he said about it:

When asked what was his favorite part about school: “Everything!”

“The bus was fun. It was a long ride…but it was also a short ride…it was medium.”

“I liked going to school but I really don’t know why you packed me two water bottles.” (Oops, I don’t know why I did either.)

My nerves are a little on edge today but I am relieved everything went well. I believe it will get easier everyday to let go. I hope.

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