The Real ‘Choice’

DSC_0125I know where I stand on the issue. Never have I heard a strong argument to make me doubt my stance. Still though, I have a hard time announcing my stance.  I don’t enjoy shaming people for choices they make.  I haven’t been in their shoes.  I have made choices in my life that I regret, everyone has.  I am not perfect.  I am not taking the ‘high horse’ stance on this.  I am no better than anyone.  I cannot stress that enough.  I know someone will be offended by these words I am about to say.  Someone will think I am being insensitive to those faced with the decision.  And––I know I have been blessed to have not been in the position to make the decision.  But nonetheless, I know what I would ‘choose’.  To me, it just isn’t even my choice to make.

I remember Mother’s Day 2009 very clearly.  It is one of those memories I think of and can vividly relive all over again.  I was pregnant with my first child.  The beauty of real life growing inside of me was magical.  It was magical, I don’t know what other word to use.  Like I said, I was pregnant.  I had yet to feel this life in my arms, I had yet to kiss his little cheek, I had yet to soothe his cries.  But still, on that Mother’s Day, I felt joy and I felt honor to be a mom.  I was a mom.  I was a mom the moment I found out I was pregnant.  I know, if I would have miscarried, my mourning and grief would have been real and deep.  Because I had life growing inside of me.

No one really chooses to become a parent.  It is something we have little control over.  Just ask any couple who has struggled to get pregnant.  You can make the decision to try, but it isn’t always that easy. I know all the arguments attached to this ‘choice’ to be a parent.  But let’s be honest and admit that the real choice is not whether or not you want to be a parent…but rather a choice to kill your child because you don’t want to be a parent.

But what if you were raped?  I admit, that is a tough one.  It is a heartbreaking thought…I cannot imagine how hard it would be. What would I choose?  If I told you I would keep the baby, are you going to tell me I am stupid?  Or are you going to tell me I am lying?  Or are you going to say I don’t know what I would choose?  I know my stance on the issue.  I know I would ask myself the option of taking care of the life or ending the life.  Yes, I would consider the ‘choice’.  I am human after all.  Say, I was stricken with disgust and hate because I was raped.  Say, the disgust and hate…the pain clouded my true self.  Say, I made the ‘choice’.  I know that after, I would feel like a murderer.  I know the rest of my life, I would live with the pain of being raped and I would live with the pain of killing a life because of it.  I ask myself, what would be worse?  My answer is the first pain would be hard enough and I wouldn’t want to live with both pains.

Still, I don’t judge anyone who has been faced with the decision.  I don’t judge anyone who has made the ‘choice’.  But, it makes me sad.  Being sad and judging are two different things.  The thought keeps me up at night.  I pray for those who have made the ‘choice’.  I know they will always live with the consequences of their ‘choice’.  I know most do not take the decision lightly.  I know people feel they have a right to choose and people like having a choice.  Like I already said…let’s start being real in stating what the real choice is.  It is a choice to raise a kid (or to give up for adoption) or it is a choice to kill.

Let’s stop sugarcoating it.

4 thoughts on “The Real ‘Choice’

  1. Reblogged this on Marcus Ampe's Space and commented:
    In this world were superficially everything seems to be so nice there are lots of people who at first trusted everything and everyone with their huge open heart, but by all they ever wanted was people and the world to love them back, suddenly something went totally wrong in their life.

    For some such a day of horror or day of the unexpected may have the direct consequence which gets them facing one of the most uncomfortable and emotionally challenging moments they probably will ever have. For sure their experience will change their life forever.

    When after such an incident they become pregnant an other difficult matter bothers their soul. At that time that person has a weight on her head she shall have to carry for hr whole life. To make a decision either to carry the baby and to be confronted for the whole life with the horror experienced or to abandon the fruit of the nightmare and remember the lessons she learned along the way, will give her thoughts ‘for ever’.

    It is a sad situation and the consequences in both cases are very sad for both parties.

    In such instance it is the environment, the people around the victim who play an important and supporting role.
    When people have voluntary sex with each other they must be aware of the consequences of their act. Though sometimes it might have happened before the girl and boy really realised what was happening. Being carried away at a young age also can happen.

    Afterwards people have to realise that we as human beings have to be responsible for our acts in the past, the present and in the future. Therefore we should think before we act. And even when things which we do not like came over us and have certain consequences we would never would have liked, we should come to make choices we shall not regret later.

    That is not easy.

    As a wife and a mom the writer of the article calls rightly to start being real and stating what the real choice is. For her it is clear that we should look at the only two possibilities: 1. a choice to raise a kid (or to give up for adoption) or 2. it is a choice to kill.

    Much more people should also come to see the second option in the first choice. That part of possibility is much too often overlooked or not looked at at all.
    There are so many people hoping to get a child, but not able to get one from their own. For them an adoption would be a good solution and for many it can be a real blessing. So, what is a curse for the one should be made in a blessing for the other.

    It must have been not an easy choice for the 11-year-old Paraguayan girl who denied an abortion after allegedly being raped (when 10) by her stepfather and this August gave birth to a healthy baby girl in Asunción, Paraguay, where a fierce debate was brewing over a law banning most abortions.
    In that mostly Catholic country, 684 girls between the ages of 10 and 14 gave birth last year.

    “The physical and psychological impact of forcing this young girl to continue with an unwanted pregnancy is tantamount to torture,” Guadalupe Marengo, deputy director for the Americas at Amnesty International said then. “The Paraguayan authorities cannot sit idly by while this young rape survivor is forced to endure more agony and torment.”

    Naturally by abortion sometimes also comes an other terrible choice at the forefront. When the doctors are sure something is wrong with the foetus or that there never shall come out a normal child. What than?

    Having to hear the ordeal of the doctors, having to be confronted having to make a choice, does not make life easy.

    Others may than easily say you may not abort the foetus and have to make the best out of it. But who is going to turn up to care for years for the handicapped person? Who is going to deal with the many costs to take care? what life is one going to give to that handicapped person, when the mother is not able to take care physiologically, physically or economically?

    For the ones standing at the site it may be easy to judge and condemn.

    For the one to make the decisions it may be an other nightmare to go through.

    Those who call themselves Christian should remember the Nazarene rabbi they should have to follow. Jesus did not judge. He will do later at the authority of his heavenly Father. In the end it is to that Father of Jesus, Who is also our Father, to Whom life belongs, knows the heart and will judge last.

    It is in His hands we should leave it.

    And the ones who doubt and are in our neighbourhood we should try to help to come to a good decision. we should try to show the beauty of life and how we should try to give everybody the right to live.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on Be Still and commented:

    Yesterday was Sanctity of Life Sunday and so I thought of this post. Yesterday and still this morning I cannot get any of this out of my mind.

    Life. All life is a gift from God.

    Like

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