My Shield and Thorn

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I love to help people.  It is something deeply rooted, so deeply rooted, I believe it takes up the largest part of my personality. I care for people to the point it hurts.  It’s the thing I cannot change.  It’s the thing I look for in others and cannot understand when they could care less about helping others. How can you not want to help?  

I get frustrated when I see people who refuse to help when it is needed. Those are the times I bite my tongue, those are the times I pray for understanding. Most times, I see the reason why. Sometimes all I see is a hardened (selfish) heart. Then I pray to understand the pain that caused their heart to harden. I pray and even when the understanding doesn’t follow, I tend to let go. It does eat away at me when I cannot see the cause. But, it eats away at me more when I have harsh feelings toward a person.

Does the inability to stay frustrated–the wanting to always see the why behind the negative make me weak?  Maybe it does.  Maybe I am too kind and too sensitive.  I may be one who gets walked over my entire life. The thing is, I accept this “weakness” God has given to me.  I know it is better than holding hate in my heart.  It’s better than always being disappointed in people.

It is a struggle to stand firm in my kindness, knowing it as both a strength and weakness. I will always pray for understanding within myself and within others as well.  I will always hold some doubt and over-think this part of me. Satan will continue to use this against me.  He’s mean like that.

It isn’t always easy and I fail at times to place my trust in God. Despite my stubborn ways, He never fails to bring me back to the truth. My kindness is my shield and my thorn. It is more a beautiful shield, though, in this sometimes ugly world.

What is your shield and thorn?

6 thoughts on “My Shield and Thorn

      1. I agree with Brandon. Your kindness is a grace from God. All of us ought to exhibit kindness for we are one body, and we are the light shining in darkness but there are also gifts that differ according to the grace given. Romas12:6-8

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I don’t view it as a weakness, but sometimes it is a “struggle.” I’m also a very sensitive person, and learned the term “highly sensitive person” a couple years ago. It helped me understand myself better. In the past year or so, I’ve been trying to use my sensitivities to understand others, to be compassionate and helpful, etc. It is also what I like to call a blessing in disguise. It’s not apparent right away, but it is a blessing to be able to care for others on such a deep level. However, it can be difficult and also draining as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand where you are coming from. I think that I am hearing you say that you need balance in this area. I have the calling or gift of helping others. Throughout the years, I have learned to have boundaries along with the ability to help others. Boundaries bring balance for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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