I hold people close. I hold them close and tight and eventually they become a part of me. I have never mastered letting people go. For me, it is an unbearable pain I avoid at all costs. There are times, though, avoiding isn’t enough. Because sometimes journeys collide. Some collisions cause irreparable damage, like ours did.
I tried to do what most do. To find a way to cut the ties woven in my heart. Well, I tried and I just don’t know how. I am beginning to realize it is okay not to. God made me with an inability to do so. Who am I to try to change the way He made me? Since accepting this fact, my peace returned. I am left asking why I would even attempt to go against God’s will for my life and in the way He intends me to live it. I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
Here I am–banged up from an unavoidable collision. I reflect on the many years we traveled along similar paths. I now see the first turn in the road that eventually led to the end of our friendship. I would be lying if I said I didn’t see it coming. I just didn’t realize the turn in the road began before our friendship started. It really did.
When friendships end you can continue to hold on. You can keep the person in your heart no matter how things ended. No matter who the person became and no matter what the person thinks of you. You see, strength is not always the ability to easily let things go. Sometimes strength is accepting the end and choosing to hold dear to the part of your journeys you were able travel together.
I may still be hurting, but I know it will subside. I would be lying if I said, I didn’t hope and pray for that one new friend to enter my life. For now, I see the blessings I have in the many people I already have in my life as friends. I have Matt, my soulmate. I have my two boys who bring me more joy than I ever thought possible. I have a loving family who has been there my entire life. I have Jesus and what a friend He is. See, some journeys may collide, but others are there for a lifetime.